Decision Not To Transition

Being me does not mean that I need to medically transition.

Many people of trans experiences have choices to make. We get to choose a name. We can choose our family. We can choose our clothes. But we also can choose how and if we are going to transition medically. I made a decision not to transition.

Medical transition includes taking hormones to aid in the changes of our appearance, our tone of voice, and helps us to feel comfortable in our own skin. When we choose to transition, it often comes with a hefty price tag. For an FTM or FTN person, top surgery alone can cost between $3k and $10k. The cost of getting hormones comes with a price of $40 to $100 per month… sometimes even more.

I like to chock my decision to not transition on the financial aspect. As you guys know from my song Frugal AF, I am not that big on spending my hard earned cash on anything away from my basic necessities. However, there are a few other reasons associated with my decision.

Superficial Reasons

Yes! There are superficial reasons as to why I don’t want to medically transition. It is because I don’t like scars. I barely tolerate the ones that I have now. As a person of African descent, I keloid. If you don’t know what keloid is, look it up on Google and you will see what I mean. Nevermind! Here is a picture.

Also, I don’t want to look like someone was trying to draw a happy face on my body perfectly. I want peri as my surgery. I believe that there are ways to minimize scarring and decrease the size of the chest. I haven’t figured it out yet. So stay tuned, you never know. I might study medicine just so that this is possible for future generations.

My parents

It was hard enough to change my name. My parents try but unfortunately it does not alway feel like enough. I avoid parental conflicts, even if that means that I don’t do something for myself. It is a little passive, yes. But it is also something that I am comfortable with, and there are other people out there just like me. So don’t judge us, just because you don’t agree.

Fear

Another reason that I made the decision not to transition is a bit out of fear. What would be the outcome? What if I don’t get off an operating table? What if I am not happy with the changes?

I didn’t take testosterone because I do not like the side effects of testosterone. Body muscle/ fat redistribution, sign me up. Excessive hair loss in some areas and growth in some others, no thank you. The increased testosterone’s impact on your vital organs, hmmm… I am not sure that is something that I am willing to risk.

When making a decision like this, it is important to speak with professionals. I personally am not saying speak to your doctor. I am saying speak to people, multiple people. Doctors, psychologists/ psychiatrists, friends, family, and people who have made the decision to transition and those that have decided against it. Everything is not meant for every body… emphasis on the body.